The eldest child will always remember that he is the eldest. He experienced the moment when he was alone, the only child in the family. He alone needed attention, care, attention, love. And when a brother or sister appears, all this decreases, and the older child often feels unnecessary, unloved, and jealousy may arise.
In order to try to regain the attention and love of parents, because older children believe that they are abandoned and lonely, the child tries different ways. Someone is capricious and stops obeying, breaks the rules so that they pay attention to him. Someone starts to get sick, because in this situation, parents are now starting to run around him, take care, pamper. But mostly, older children take on the responsibilities of adults in caring for the younger, as it seems to them that they will be appreciated, praised, and, consequently, loved. Of course, this impulse has a positive effect on the development of responsibility, diligence, but it also has a negative impact – anxiety appears, increased demands on oneself and others. In addition, the concept of "conditional" love appears. It seems to them that you can only love for something (for example, for good behavior). Here the most important thing is to convey to the child that he is loved, appreciated for the fact that he just is.
Of course, when the kids are in the weather, it is unlikely that there will be a problem between the children, since they do not remember when the youngest was born. But if the difference between children is 10 or 15 years old, then the older one has teenage problems that parents have no time to solve, they need to deal with the younger child. But here you can switch the interest of a teenager to help in caring for a little one, which will fruitfully affect him, will be a good impulse to grow up.
The youngest child did not experience this feeling that he was alone. Around him: mom, dad, grandparents, even older or older brothers, sisters. He is in a competitive environment with them. He, looking at the elders, sometimes begins to develop faster to match them. They always compare him, they want him to be like the elder, to achieve the same heights. This is wrong. Parents here forget about individuality.
At the same time, the youngest is surrounded by the attention of all family members. Therefore, he learns to accept support, help, gets life experience in relationships between people. But they don't learn to assess the dangers that get in his way. He knows that in case of danger, he will be helped, picked up, so they are looking for extreme emotions.
Now it is clear that a child, faced with unique problems, may have difficulties in society, problems with adaptation in kindergarten or school, problems with academic performance.
Let's consider ways to solve the situations described above and try to make them less.
1. Prepare for the birth of older children. After all, another family member is a turning point in their lives. Tell us, considering the age, how this will happen, how the child will grow up in the first months after birth, when it will be possible to play with him. Do not forget to tell us with what excitement you waited for the appearance of the first (eldest) child, rejoiced at the first smile, the first step, etc.
2. You can not drive to the same classes or section. We take into account the individuality of each child.
3. In no case do we compare children. They don't have to know that someone draws the sun better.
4. Never tell a child: "You're the eldest!".
5. It is impossible to burden the older child with responsibility for the younger one. Let's only give him tasks that are feasible for him. Involve him in the care of the baby, tell him how small he is, needs care. And the younger one should be taught that the older one should be respected and obeyed.
6. Teach children and give them the opportunity and the right to experience feelings and teach them to express them correctly.
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